W5.D1-4: A Blur

I’m not sure where the last 4 days have gone. Monday and Tuesday were a blur of hardcore assignment writing. I got in the zone and spent a solid 10 hours in front of the computer over each of those days. I completed my assignment and I’m fairly happy with it, which for me is a rarity and a mark that I put some effort into it. My brain is now scrambled. I’ve had two nights of bad poor sleep and despite my efforts yesterday to relax and unwinds I am still in a daze.

Food has been painkiller this week. I equate my level of mental effort with physical effort, and rationalise that I deserve or need more sweets and treats to fuel my body and mind. The scale is well up on Monday and I feel depressed that this could be a gain week.

I think it’s the sleep that’s hit me hardest. Right now I’m ready to crash again and it’s just about midday. My head is ready to burst. Maybe a walk will help.

W4.D6 – Big ass study day

Nice! I worked on my project from about 12pm through to 9pm. There was a break for lunch and dinner, taken in front of my desk, but that was a solid effort.  I feel like I’m winging the project a little bit, but I’m finding my analysis really interesting so hopefully my tutor will too.

Today was as great day for my diet. I’m driven by the number on the scale this morning and a desire to post a loss on Monday. I got tempted by my sweet tooth this evening but I powered through the craving and now it’s 9:20pm and I know I can “last until the morning”.

Tomorrow needs to be a big day working on the project too. Probably another 8hr+ shift. Gotta love a deadline to kick my ass into gear!

W4.D3-5

Not good days for my diet. Wednesday I went to the local co-op to get some eggs as they have the best organic eggs in town. They also have the best local chocolate, maple almonds, cheese and biscuits. Yum! Doh! Thursday was a friend’s birthday and that caused some indulgence that spilled into Friday with some recovery pizza whilst I crashed out on the couch all day. Surprisingly though my weight has bounced back down to 250lb, so a good Saturday + Sunday will hopefully see me post another loss again on Monday.

Study was solid on Wednesday and Thursday, and no existent on Friday. That’s ok though – I knew I wasn’t going to be very useful on Friday.

 

W4.D2 – Amazing day

What a fantastic day. We had some fresh snow!! At last! And what a difference it made to how much I enjoyed myself. I stopped worrying about what would happen if I fell and my confidence soared. One my favourite days on the hill this season. We had blue skies, sunshine, great snow… and a couple of crisp beers whilst we ate lunch outside with a view of the mountains. It was perfect.

Then I came home and cranked out 3hrs of studying. Boom! I feel great.

The way I feel is really interesting. Right now I’m completely satisfied with how I spent my day. I’m going to plonk my ass on the couch in a minute and watch a movie/tv absolutely guilt free. There’s no anxiety about feeling I need to do more today, or that I didn’t put effort into the things I value, or that my time could have been spent better.

Perhaps this is correlation and not causal? Maybe feeling happy makes me feel satisfied… or does feeling satisfied make me feel happy? Or neither. I know that when I woke up I was already buzzing and feeling good. I was Mr Cheerful at the coffee shop on the way to the ski hill. I knew it was going to be a good day – I knew the snow was good, I knew the sun would be shining, I knew I’d be ripping it down the slopes… and the day lived up to my expectations. And then I made it even better and surprised myself by studying hard in the evening.

And what’s also interesting is that I drank beer today and I didn’t eat particularly well. But I just don’t care. All the big stuff was there: exercise, outdoors, friends, snowboarding, sunshine, study effort*, progress… and I feel absolutely exhausted in the sort of way that you know you’ve had a good day. It’s 8:30pm and I’m ready to curl up on the couch. I ate life with a big spoon today and now I’m full.

I want more days like this in my life.

 

* This is the feeling that I put effort into something. That I worked hard, didn’t slack off, and I achieved something meaningful.

W4.D1 – Beer o’clock!

Crapola day for food. I went skiing (woop!) and then ate unhealthy food at the lodge, followed by a decent number of beers in the evening. My weight spiked as a result. The conflict between indulging in booze and enjoying my social life rages on. I’m finding it a fascinating problem because it never was a problem before – my social life wasn’t active enough to support this problem. In hindsight the evening was great fun and definitely worth the deviation from a healthy routine. We had a cracking group of people friends enjoying each other’s company, laughing and just being happy together. Perhaps one of the most fun nights I’ve had here.

I managed to study briefly in the evening. Enough to keep my streak going, but I could have done more. I submitted my assignment and was happy with both the effort I put in and the quality of my work (and the strength of my knowledge). This is the first assignment for this module so it’ll be a gauge of how the tutor reacts to my writing (My tutor in the other module I’m taking marks my work ~10-15% higher than the tutor on a previous module, although perhaps I’m getting smarter/better at essay writing).

Oh, and I skiied… so it was a pretty awesome day.

W3.D7

Another good day of studying. I got up early for some more rugby, then café-hopped and finished writing my essay. It feels really good to get it out of the way and I’ll spend the next two days snowboarding (and studying in the evening!) as a reward.

Interesting –  I didn’t consider snowboarding a reward at the time, it’s more of a retrospective thing. It was never a “I’m going to work hard so that I can go snowboarding”, rather it’s more like “I’m going to feel good about snowboarding because I worked hard“. The reward is the feeling and not the activity itself. Hmn!

Food was fairly good today. I ate out, but didn’t overindulge.

W3.D6

A solid day. In the morning I watched some rugby, in the afternoon I spent time writing an essay on selective attention, then in the evening I chilled out with some movies.

Food wasn’t great, particularly in the evening when I paired movies and snacks together. I also had a cheeky glass of wine.

No exercise and no skiing.

W3.D3

A good day for study!! About 3.5hrs of work.

Food was pretty good too. The scale shows me up a couple of pounds from Monday, which is pretty weird as my diet’s been good. Not sure what’s going on there but I’m going to keep things going and hope it settles back down.

No skiing today but that’s ok. No new snow which means the conditions are still poor.

Overall a pretty decent kinda day 🙂

W3.D1

A good food day, although I had 2 beers in the evening, which I regret today (the day after).

I did some writing in the morning which was nice. In the afternoon I had two calls with Zen Change Labs members. One was a weekly check-in call with our support group and the other was with Yvonne to go through her Gainstorming process. We focused on my study struggles and I’ve got a few new angles/ideas to try out.

Skiing is on pause for the moment. I’ve got a minor muscle strain that I want to heal up and the conditions are not great. I don’t think I’m going to ride until we get some fresh snow. It feels nice actually to give myself the “time off” to fully focus on the studying/writing.