Insight: trusting myself has reduced my fear

Today I began my practice of daily study. For this to be a success I must study at a desk, take notes with a pen and paper, and spend at least 30 minutes at work.

At first there was resistance. The task in front of me is big and scary and I don’t want to face it. I was scared that I would fail and not understand the material. And I was also scared that I would not put the effort in.

After some time I realised that my fear and anxiety had reduced. I was doing the work. Just like I said I would be. I believed that my daily study practice was actually something that I will stick to. I will study today, and tomorrow, and the day after that. I believed in myself.

Establishing this “practice”, even for just a day, has made me feel better. I feel less anxious about the size of the task in front of me because I believe that I will chip away at it, one day at a time. It’s ok that I didn’t learn everything today, or that I didn’t complete all of the work, because I know I will be back again tomorrow. And the day after that.

 

One thought on “Insight: trusting myself has reduced my fear”

  1. And then I failed the next day. The danger is that the failure reinforces my negative self-image. I need to be compassionate and give myself a break. This is hard stuff. I’m going to take some knocks. The important thing is getting up trying again. AND AGAIN!

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